My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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