I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
