Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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