evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
