you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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