she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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