the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
