We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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