When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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