I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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