so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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