Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
