I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize