Fuck appropriateness.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
