Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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