1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
