I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
