We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
