i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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