i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
