There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
