where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
they need to just BURY HIM!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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