Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize