Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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