i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize