you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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