If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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