btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
