I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
where are my eyebrows?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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