Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
