i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
