My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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