he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
