I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
