Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
