hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
