is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
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you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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