How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
