I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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