I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
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Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize