FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
