I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
