we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
