The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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