If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
