thus making me awesome and them whores
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
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and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
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Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize