we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
