Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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