Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize