i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
