"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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