You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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