I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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