he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
