We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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