I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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