He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
