I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
