you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
