I cannot find my penis.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
