saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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