you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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