so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
please come you make the beer taste better
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
