I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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