We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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