I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
