Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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