I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
