I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
