Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
