Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
